Atau Mungkin.

"Can I just ease into relationships, please!!! Like, I want to be able to calmly say 'Oh this is snug. How comforting. Let me stay here. I like the warmth.' But nooooo... Ini abad ke 21. Semua harus dance as hard as they can to attract a mate. You know who has to flaunt their beauty in the animal world?! The male. That's why male peacocks got pretty tails. The girl peacock would just go 'All right I see your effort. Let's have baby peacocks.' Tapi sekarang coba 'Aku harus cantik supaya I get a decent cowo.' Yang laki-laki udah ga usah usaha lagi padahal yang kelakuannya sama kadang sama seperti binatang siapa? Ya udah dong kalau kaya gitu biar treatment or the process kaya binatang juga. You go flaunt what you get to get the girl. Why do I have to be the one yang usaha?!" teriak X diujung sana.

"Are you comparing us to peacocks?" tanya Y.

"Aarrrgghhhh!" Lalu sambungan telepon terputus.


Dari semua lagu tentang cinta, satu line dari Eat, Sleep, Repeat yang ditulis oleh the American rock band Copeland menusuk gue every single time. Kata Copeland, "Love could be a great illusion that makes fools of brilliant thinkers everyday." Aduh.

Ilusi. Yang dibuat indah oleh Hollywood. Actually, no. Hollywood tidak menghancurkan atau membuat cinta sebagai suatu ilusi. I personally think that it is just packaged in a commercial way. Karena reality in itself will not sell. Feelings sells, emotion sells. Atau mungkin gue terlalu banyak nonton romantic comedies dua minggu terakhir ini. It's probably the latter and I'm not going to put the blame on Hollywood. They are just doing their job. Good for them. Tapi gue hidup dalam realita. What I see around me is nowhere near to a utopia. Thus I must be living in the real world, where not everything is bright and beautiful. Including that thing we all call love.

If you're wondering, I was X dan percakapan tersebut terjadi sekitar tiga jam yang lalu. Y is my best friend, for obvious reasons. She listens to my rants.

Dua minggu terakhir ini, I've been on a binge, a romantic comedy binge. I'm fine. I'm perfectly OK. Everything is great. Everything is lovely. I just need to be grateful. And watch less romantic comedies, drink less wine, or maybe grow some balls. Atau mungkin, I need to fix me.

I need to fix me.

"Jangan lari dari masalah." Frase yang pendek, padat, dan agak sedikit tepat yang dikatakan ketika gue sudah terlalu lelah untuk berdebat, berpikir, dan lain sebagainya. I like closing books that I know would not end well. Untuk apa diselesaikan ketika bisa diberhentikan sekarang saja. Afterwards, you clean your mess, I'll clean mine. Gue bukan orang yang terlalu fond dengan maintenance this is probably bad and might go on the list on the things that I need to fix about me. Ya sudah. OK. Jadi gue harus membereskan diri. Where to start?

Coldplay's Fix You just pipped on shuffle a second ago. The Universe is giving me a sign. Terima kasih, Chris Martin. But for your information I have nobody to fix me or guide me home. Dan ketika gue mengetik kalimat di atas lah gue menemukan akar dari masalah gue. Can you see it?

Let's keep this one hanging.



I do a lot of that by the way. I leave things hanging.

Athalia Soemarko.

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