Bye 12. Hello 13.

So the world did NOT end in 21-12-2012... which means I still have to finish my skripsi and face 2013.

Dan setiap tahun, being a Christian that I am, gue punya tradisi sendiri to wait on the Lord and let Him speak to me. You won't get it, unless you're one of those people who understands that this religion is supposed to be based on personal relationship. This I found very beautiful and ironic at the same time because a whole lot of these so-called Christians missed the beauty of Christianity! It gets frustrating but karena berhubung gue bukan pendeta dan blah blah blah, I'll just post what read earlier today.

"In that night did God appear unto Solomon, and said unto him, Ask what I shall give thee. And Solomon said unto God, Thou hast shewed great mercy unto David my father, and hast made me to reign in his stead. Now, O Lord God, let thy promise unto David my father be established: for thou has made me king over a people like the dust of the earth in multitude. Give me now wisdom and knowledge, that I may go out and come in before this people: for who can judge this thy people, that is so great? And God said to Solomon, Because this was in thine heart, and thou hast not asked riches, wealth, or honour, nor the life of thine enemies, neither yet hast asked long life; but hast asked wisdom and knowledge for thyself, that thou mayest judge my people, over whom I have made thee king: Wisdom and knowledge is granted unto thee; and I will give thee riches and wealth, and honour, such as none of the kings have had that have been before thee, neither shall there any after thee have the like."
II Chronicles 1: 7 - 12


Bring it on, 2013.


Only by His grace,
Athalia Karima Yedida Soemarko

Rumour Has It...

Kalau dunia akan berakhir pada tanggal 21 December 2012. Yay? Or nay?


Jujur saja a few minutes ago I wanted the world to end right now. Karena, well,... skripsi. Ha ha ha. How very Indonesian, is it not? Dengan berjalannya waktu dari Juli ke Desember ini I think I'm starting to understand why skripsi is such a pain in the ass. Menulis is not an easy thing to do. To be perfectly honest, nothing in life is an easy thing to do.


Tanpa terasa, here we are at the last leg of another year. Dalam waktu kurang lebih tiga minggu, Desember akan pergi dan Januari akan kembali. Dan seperti biasa, after another sleepless night as I wait for the sun to rise, I think. About a lot of things.

2012 was an interesting year for me. 2012 adalah tahun dimana gue belajar kalau sebenarnya... Gue masih harus banyak belajar. Funny thought, no? Tahun ini adalah tahun terakhir gue kuliah untuk menuntaskan perjalanan gue menjadi seorang Sarjana Hukum. Gue belajar banyak, secara akademis. Tapi... This is the fun part... Ternyata oh ternyata, I still have a whole lot to learn.

I do not have time to go into details... Tapi ini keputusan yang gue ambil sebelum mengakhiri tahun 2012: To learn, to love, to trust, to live without regrets, and to constantly remember to never forget all the great things that life begets. Dan kalau dunia pun musnah anytime soon, I don't mind. I can honestly thanked the Lord that He has given me a beautiful life.


Looking forward for 2013,
Athalia Karima Yedida Soemarko

Footpath To Peace.

"To be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars; To be satisfied with your possessions, but not contented with yourself until you have made the best of them; To despise nothing in the world except falsehood and meanness, and to fear nothing except cowardice; To be governed by your admirations rather than by your disgusts; To covet nothing that is your neighbor's except his kindness of heart and gentleness of manners; To think seldom of your enemies, often of your friends, and every day of Christ; And to spend as much time as you can, with body and with spirit, in God's out-of-doors -- These are little guideposts on the footpath to peace."

Henry Jackson van Dyke (November 10, 1852 - April 10, 1933) was an American author, educator, and clergyman.

Pour Me A Glass Of...

Gue ga bisa tidur. Bisa sih but I'm not tired enough to fall asleep just yet.

Jadi seperti biasa I twist and turn on my bed trying to find the right amount of tired, counting sheep and whatnot. Did not work. Never worked. I should've known better. So there I was in the darkness, staring at my water bottle yang selalu ada di samping tempat tidur supaya kalau gue haus di malam hari ga usah repot turun ke dapur untuk minum. Dan di situlah otak gue yang masih aktif sampai detik ini mulai menganalisa yang tidak harusnya di analisa di jam yang seperti ini.

Sedikit latar belakang. Gue baru kembali dari dokter siang tadi just to prove a point that sebenarnya gue ini sehat waalfiat dan tidak kekurangan sesuatu apapun. Memang gue kurus but I'm not weak. Beda. Tapi terminologi dan prinsip itu mungkin akan gue jabarkan di lain waktu saja. Pokoknya, agak gak penting sebenarnya kunjungan ke dokter hari ini tapi ya sudah lah a little check up will not do any harm. Seperti biasa Jakartaku yang indah ini... Macet, dan seperti biasa juga, like any other proper, tweeting Jakartan, gue baca-baca entry Twitter orang - orang yang ada di Timeline gue. I was bored. The traffic was crazy. Sudah mulai gelap karena gue pergi dari siang sampai malam which means I cannot read my book and thus I did not have anything else better to do.

So I read. I read, well, tweets. Banyak orang yang berasumsi kalau gue ini stalker but I'm not. Really. I don't stalk. I just so happen to read what YOU tweet. Maybe I should mencoba untuk jabarkan dulu kronologi kejadian dimana biasanya seseorang akan berasumsi bahwa gue, Athalia Soemarko, adalah stalker sejati:
  1. Lo tulis masalah/cerita/ide/lirik/apapun di Twitter.
  2. You hit 'Send'.
  3. Gue, yang ternyata adalah follower lo, baca tweet tersebut.
  4. Pas kita ketemu, karena ingatan gue tentang hal beginian kencang, I asked you about your masalah/cerita/ide/lirik/apapun itu.
  5. You asked me how I know.
  6. Karena gue b-i-a-s-a-n-y-a kelewat iseng, gue cuma bilang "I know everything... So what's up? What was on your mind?
  7. Setelah itu lo teriak, "Stalker lo, Tha!"
  8. Padahal gue cuma baca, gue inget, gue nanya tentang masalah/cerita/ide/lirik/apapun itu yang lo cuap-cuap sendiri di sebuah situs sosial media.
For your information, I only follow 250 people. That is a small number and I just so happen to use my big brain capacity. So I remember, I don't stalk. I read and remember. Kalau emang gue lagi penasaran, gw tanya langsung ke elo tentang masalah/cerita/ide/lirik/apapun itu yang lo jabarkan di jaringan sosial media tersebut. Ini juga adalah alasan mengapa gue tidak mau follow sembarang orang. I cannot stand negativity. Gue baca setiap entry Twitter teman-teman dekat gue yang gue follow. Hidup mereka relevan dengan hidup gue. If I don't know you, why on Planet Ding Dong would I bother following you? Sigh. This is beside the point. 

Anyway... Jadi waktu gue lagi stuck menikmati keindahan kemacetan Jakarta, gue baca entry Twitter dari seseorang yang menjabarkan kegundahan hidupnya dan bagaimana dia sedang menikmati sebotol alkohol untuk mengobati kegundahan tersebut. Blah blah blah. Gue tertawa. But then that got me thinking... Apa sih yang biasanya gue minum?

 Pertanyaan yang aneh. I know. But here's my list setelah menganalisa dan trying to connect what I would drink in what situation. Pardon the randomness. It's 2 in the morning.


DRINKS 101
  •  Air Putih. Air putih adalah minuman yang paling basic yang orang akan cari di waktu dia haus. I drink a substantial amount of water everyday. So when I drink water, there is no significant thing that's going on. Or maybe I feel a little flat. You know that feeling, waktu hidup berjalan dengan seharusnya, kiri kanan baik-baik saja. Yeah, that's the time when I will be drinking air putih. Jadi mungkin analisa yang tepat adalah: When I drink the basic mineral water, nothing is happening in life. Bam.

  • Milk and Juice. Be it Milo, Ultra Milk Chocolate, Greenfields, atau Pediasure. Gue masih minum Pediasure sampai hari ini juga dan semua merek susu yang tertera di atas biasanya gue minum waktu gue tahu badan gue perlu asupan mineral/sesuatu yang extra sehat, or at least kelihatan sehat. Kalau memang badan gue sudah terlalu capek, a glass of juice in the morning is all I need. Karena biasanya kalau sudah ga enak tenggorokan lah ini lah itu lah, nafsu makan berkurang. Kalau gue ga bisa tidur, a glass of warm milk akan membuat gue ngantuk. Milk is my comfort drink. Conclusion? I don't know.

  • Alcohol. Yes, I drink alcohol. Tapi, if you must know, biasanya kalau gue minum alcohol artinya... I don't like you that much. Ha ha. Beneran. Gue sebenarnya ada tipe orang yang mudah untuk ngobrol dengan segala jenis manusia. Tapi memang tidak bisa di pungkiri kalau kadang-kadang aura dari lawan bicara itu agak sedikit tidak enak, entah ketus atau pun judes. Untuk bicara dengan luwes dan sopan terhadap lawan bicara yang sulit, I need a good drink or two. Kalau tidak, akan sangat amat susah untuk menendang diri untuk berbicara tanpa spitting the same fire on that person's face. I don't drink to get drunk. I drink... to try to talk to anybody, if I must, with a smile on my face. It's a different kind of happy but at least you will think I am happy to talk to you.

  • Tea. Teh panas tawar adalah my go-to drink kalau gue ga tau mau pesan minum apa. I guess I am Indonesian that way. Thus teh adalah... Nevermind.

  • Jadi kalau gue lagi gundah gulana, stress, atau marah, minum apa? This might sound really odd tapi gue akan minum Coca Cola. Seperti yang sudah gue jabarkan di atas, I'm not the drunken type but I really like Coca Cola: the taste, the texture, and the effect. Kalau gue ngantuk, ini lebih nendang dari pada kopi. Kalau gue kepanasan, dinginnya selalu pas. Kalau gue capek, kadar gula di dalamnya biasanya cukup to buy me 3 hours of hyper time before crashing afterwards.

So those are my drinks dan analisa gue at this early in the morning. I might not make a lot of sense but I don't feel like putting this in my Draft Entry. And! Hey, it's 02:35 in the morning. I'm going to get my glass of milk. 


Good morning,
Athalia Karima Yedida Soemarko.

That's What Ellen Goodman said...

"We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remained intrigued with each other, because of many kindness, because of luck... But a part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness."

Ellen Goodman is an American journalist and syndicated columnist who won a Pulitzer Prize in 1980.

Distracted.

Foto - foto ini sengaja di buat hitam putih supaya warna mereka tidak mengalihkan perhatian. Mengalihkan perhatian from what? I don't know. That's all.











Love, Logic, ... and Trust.

Cinta itu ga rasional. Tak ada logika, kalau kata Anges Monica.

I just came back from a long trip abroad dan kebetulan sekarang sedang jet lagged karena di negara dimana gue spent about three weeks in sekarang masih sore. Jadi ya... belum ngantuk. Kalau gue lagi ga ngantuk dan bosan biasanya isengnya keluar. So I went through my notes and scribbles. I scribble a lot, for you information. Gue suka tulis-tulis things that just randomly popped up in my head kalau suatu scene reminds me of someone or something. Ternyata I wrote a paragraph when I was in London. Kebetulan waktu membaca paragraf itu lagi gue bisa inget situauasi dimana this thought popped out. I was standing still di tengah Piccadilly Circus, sebuah alun-alun di tengah kota London, di kelilingi oleh beratus-ratus orang yang lalu-lalang trying to get from one place to another on that Friday night. Ganteng, cantik, tinggi, pendek, kurus, blonde, brunette, gemuk, hitam, putih, etc. All these faces... and then boom... 

I wrote to myself, di tengah keramaian itu, sebuah paragraf yang mungkin kedengarannya aneh but it spoke to me. It felt so real right there, right then.
"Cinta itu ga logis. Dari bermiliar-miliar orang yang ada di bumi ini, you bet your luck on one. Just one. Dan berharap bahwa dia adalah yang satu-satunya yang di ciptakan for you. Just you."

To be perfectly honest, it's hard for me to trust. Susah. Jauh lebih gampang untuk gue sayang daripada gue percaya. Ini semua bermulai dari ketakutan gue terhadap sakit hati. Siapa yang mau sakit hati? Ga ada lah. Apa lagi gue. Gue tau kok rasanya sakit hati dan bukan cuma sekali dalam arti yang romantis cinta-cinta dan kawan kawannya. Sakit hati itu bisa datang dari semua tempat dan semua orang. Tapi one thing's for sure, it hurts too much to go through it more than once. Jadi gue buat lah benteng-benteng yang bisa melindungi hati gue dengan logika gue. I said I love you kepada a lot of people but then I realized I never really loved anybody. Sayang yang gue kira adalah "sayang" selama gue ga harus mempercayai orang itu hanyalah sebuah "kepedulian". It was me caring, it was never me loving. 

So what is love? There in the middle of Piccadilly, I figured that love and logic... dan semua jumbalaya yang sekarang sedang terjadi di otak gue,... mereka tidak selalu bisa berjalan bersamaan. If you don't trust, you don't love. Bukan artinya lo ga berpikir dan mengunakan otak lo yang brilian itu untuk membuktikan bahwa lo sayang. No. It sometimes tells you to take chances, kesempatan-kesempatan yang otak lo tau berbahaya but when you bet on it and you do the things you never thought doing, di situ lah lo tau what is love... And that's really what trust is. So to love is to trust.

I love to run away. Ini adalah salah satu alasan kenapa gue suka traveling. It takes you out of your world and brings you to another dimana lo ga kenal siapa-siapa dan lo ga akan bertemu manusia-manusia tersebut juga dalam selang waktu dekat. Tapi pada saat lo pulang, you have to face your demons. Gue harus face my demons. And my demons are my problems, my fears, and the things I hate to face. Gue ga santai orangnya. Tenang, tapi tidak santai. I like to be in control, I don't like surprises, and I like things to be without risk. Tapi hidup pada realitanya tidak seperti itu. Kalau memang gue mau hidup yang seperti itu, I might as well live in a cave. Dulu gue kira I should be nice to everyone, friend to some, love only one but trust no one. Sukses loh, jangan salah. Tapi life became so hard. Semua harus di pikirin dengan segala ketidakpastian hidup, mana bisa mikir terus. Capek.

And you live only once. I'd live only once too. Gue ga percaya bahwa gue akan berubah menjadi manusia lagi ataupun binatang nanti sehabis gue mati. If I die, I die dan itu adalah akhir cerita gue. I don't want to die without ever taking a chance on love. Heck. I don't want to live without loving. Gue akan mulai satu langkah demi satu langkah. Don't be expecting me to start trusting everyone. Ha. Ha. Ha. It doesn't work that way. Tapi gue udah capek untuk mencoba merasionalkan segala sesuatu.

This is one of the most honest entries I ever wrote. Mungkin karena gue capek, jadi gue males tulis suatu yang too ornate and downright honest. Or maybe this will just end up in my Draft Folder, like every other writing that I wrote. But one thing's for sure, berani hidup itu memang lebih susah daripada berani mati.  

So I'm going to live and love. And trust. A little bit. To some people... Or maybe just one or two people. I don't know just yet.



Cheers,
Athalia Karima Yedida Soemarko