Christmas, All Grown Up.

Natal 2011 akan menjadi natal ke-20 gue. I have lived in this earth for 20 years and thus this will be my 20th Christmas. I'm excited! I hope you are too. 

Kalau anda membaca entry ini mungkin anda berpikir bahwa I must had a very good morning. On the contrary, pagi ini gue bangun dengan migraine yang sangat heboh. Kepala gue literally mau pecah rasanya dan lagi malam sebelumnya gue demam agak tinggi sampai I had to ditch my work and my team to catch a little sleep. Gue jalan masuk ke kamar kerja dan I opened my e-mail. There it was, a warning e-mail from a senior I'm working with yang memberitakan dengan segala cara bahwa ternyata pekerjaan gue selama ini tidak memuaskan. I don't blame him. I blame myself. Tapi I figured sebelum gue mulai membetulkan hidup gue kembali, at least let me get some breakfast. Tiba-tiba... listrik padam, gue belum mandi, belum makan, dan... Ternyata memang tidak ada makanan. I ran out of cereals, I ran out of fruits, and there was no car in the house to drive me to the mall. Pagi yang indah untuk marah-marah.

But then I told myself, "Happy thoughts, Athalia. Happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. Think what you want for Christmas!" Selagi gue memikirkan apa yang gue akan todong nyokap bokap gue tahun ini, I didn't feel a slight bit happier. Masih ada rasanya mau marah, masih sebel, masih bete. Lalu terpikirkan lah sesuatu yang kita semua tahu, tapi selalu kita lupakan: bersyukur. Memiliki barang dan materi lebih banyak nga akan membuat lo senang. When you're all grown up, you don't list for things you want for Christmas. You list the things that you are thankful for all year round.

Isn't that a thought? Jadi gue bertekad untuk mengubah paradigm gue. No more Christmas Wish List. Gue akan bersyukur dengan apapun yang gue sudah punya. Starting now.

I'd make a list here but I figured there are too many things I'm grateful for. Terlalu banyak di dalam hidup ini hal yang sebenarnya gue harus berterima kasih. Maybe I'll list it soon and post it publicly... But for now, I am grateful for my senior yang mengingatkan kembali bahwa I can't settle with my mediocre work. Gue bersyukur masih ada orang yang mau mengingatkan kalau potensi otak gue ini sebenarnya besar. Tapi ga di pakai saja. Thank you for the reminder :-)

Ever grateful,
Athalia Karima Yedida Soemarko.

Lessons from Glastonbury.

I'm not going to lie and tell you that everything's OK. Dua minggu terakhir ini bisa di dubbed sebagai salah satu periode paling tough di tahun 2011. Apa yang salah? Banyak. Siapa yang salah? Banyak juga.

I've been feeling quite low and I know I need to get back up ASAP. Banyak yang harus di lakukan dalam waktu yang sangat amat tidak banyak. Lagi-lagi gue berargumen dengan otak gue sendiri bahwa sebenarnya kekuatan itu datang dari dalam but I told myself that sometimes you can't negate the fact that the outside world affects you, one way or another.  Gue ga bisa menjadi 100% setiap hari. Kadang ada aja yang bisa menarik gue turun, secara emosi atau secara fisik. Kalau mengandalkan kekuatan sendiri, naik kembali ke level "kuat" yang di perlukan akan memakan waktu yang agak lama. I need optimism and positivism to be injected right into my veins.

Gue menemukan Glastonbury.

Glastonbury is a small town in Somerset, England. It's tiny compared to the urban London or the soccer heaven Manchester but Glastonbury holds the swaggest festival of contemporary arts. Simply said, Glastonbury adalah tempat dimana tiap tahun konser-konser dari segala band berkumpul to give a hell of a show to a 200,000 something audience. It's insane, in a good way.

Gue YouTube-d konser ini dan menemukan dua outstanding performances dari Beyonce dan Coldplay. Their stage act, their stage presence, their audience, everything boost me literally right back up. Dan dari situ lah, gue belajar.

So here it is, kids. My lessons from Glastonbury. These are excerpts, lines, or just things that Coldplay and Beyonce brought on stage that pretty much depicts the way I am feeling now. Ga usah tebak-tebak apa cerita di balik kenapa gue memilih line itu dari lagu itu. Take a chill pill and just let me pour things out to writing.

"Your skin and bones turn into something beautiful
And you know for you I'd bleed myself dry."

"I was scared, tired and underprepared but I'll wait for you.
If you go, leaving me down here on my own
Well, I'll wait for you."
In My Place

"Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I will cross
Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse."

"Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was eas
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start."
The Scientist

"On and on from the moment I wake,
To the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side.
Just you try and stop me,
I'll be waiting in life
Just to see if you care."

"When the future's architectured
By a carinival of idiots on show
You'd better lie low.
If you love me , won't you let me know?"
Violet Hill

"Where do we go nobody knows?
Don't even say you're on your way down
When God gave you style and gave you grace
And put a smile upon your face."
God Put A Smile Upon Your Face

"If you ever feel neglected
If you think all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons
Hoping everything's not lost.
When you thought that it was over
You could feel it all around
Everybody's out to get you
Don't you let it drag you down."
Everything's Not Lost

"Oh morning come bursting the clouds amen
Lift off this blindfold let me see again
Bring back the water let your ships roll in
In my heart she left a hole

The tightrope that I'm walking just sways and ties
The devil as he's talking with those angel's eyes
And I just want to be there when the lightening strikes
And the saints go marching in

And sing slow it down
Through chaos as it swirls
It's us against the world

Like a river to a raindrop I lost a friend
My drunken hazard daniel in a lion's den
And tonight I know it all has to begin again
So whatever you do, don't let go

And if we could float away
Fly up to the surface and just start again
Lift off before trouble just erodes us in the rain
Just erodes us in the rain
Just erodes us and see roses in the rain saying

Slow it down
Through chaos as it swirls
It's us against the world."
Us Against The World

"In confusion, confidence
Give me peace of mind and trust
Don't forget the rest of us.
Give me strength, reserve control
Give me heart and give me sould
Wounds that heal and cracks that fix.
Tell me your own politik."

"One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand."
Viva La Vida

"All the boys, all the girls,
All that matters in the world
All the boys, all the girls,
All that madness that occurs
All the highs, all the lows
As the room a-spinning goes
We'll run riot, we'll be glowing in the dark."
Charlie Brown

"Life is for living.
We all know, I don't want to live it alone."
Life Is For Living

"Confusion never stops, closing walls and ticking clocks
Going to come back and take you home."

"I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day,
The dark sacred night.
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world."
What A Wonderful World
"So you can hurt, hurt me bad.
But still I'll raise the flag."
Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall

"When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you."
 Fix You

"It's the way that you know what I thought I knew
It's the beat that my heart skips when I'm with you
Yeah but I still don't understand
Just how your love can do what no one else can."
Crazy In Love

"Don’t treat me to these things of the world
I’m not that kind of girl
Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve
Is a man that makes me then takes me
And delivers me to a destiny, to infinity and beyond
Pull me into your arms
Say I’m the one you own
If you don’t, you’ll be alone
And like a ghost I’ll be gone."
Single Ladies

"Picture us dancing real close
In a dark dark corner of a basement party
Every time I close my eyes
It's like everyone left but you and me
In our own little world
The music is the sun
The dance floor becomes the sea
Feels like true paradise to me."
Baby Boy

"I wanted you bad I'm so through with that
Cause honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
You turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I'm gone always be the best thing you never had
I bet it sucks to be you right now.
So sad, you're hurt. Boo hoo, oh, did you expect me to care?
You don't deserve my tears I guess that's why they ain't there
When I think that there was a time that I almost loved you
You showed your mask and baby yes I saw the real you
Thank God you blew it Thank God I dodged the bullet I'm so over you
Baby good lookin' out."
Best Thing I Never Had

"If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand
Yeah you don’t understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you’re just a boy."
If I Were A Boy

"I mention you when I say my prayers
I wrap you around all of my thoughts Boy, you're my temporary high
I wish that when I wake up you're there
To wrap your arms around me for real and tell me you'll stay by my side
Clouds filled with stars cover the skies
And I hope it rains
You're the perfect lullaby."
Sweet Dreams

"Hey, I don't know much about guns but I
Ive been shot by you
And I don't know when I'm gonna die but I hope
That I'm gonna die by you
And I don't know much about fighting but I
I know I will fight for you."

 "So go ahead and get gone
Call up that chick, and see if shes home
Oops I bet you thought, that I didn't know
What did you think
I was putting you out for?
Because you was untrue
Rolling her around in the car that I bought you
Baby, drop them keys
Hurry up, before your taxi leaves

Standing in the front yard, telling me
How I'm such a fool, talking 'bout
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I will have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
You're irreplaceable?

So since I'm not your everything
How about I'll be nothing? Nothing at all to you
Baby I won't shed a tear for you
I won't lose a wink of sleep
'Cause the truth of the matter is
Replacing you is so easy."

If you get a bit curious on how awesome the energy is at Glastonbury click here for Beyoncé's and here for Coldplay's performances. Be ready to get chills. To. The. Bones.

"Bangun Tidur Ku Terus..."

Morning, lads! Hari ini adalah hari Minggu dan gue sudah stuck lagi di depan laptop untuk mencari ilmu. Jadwal gue beberapa minggu ini agak sedikit tidak bersahabat. Okay maybe bukan sedikit tapi memang tidak bersahabat saja. TITIK.

Salah sendiri sih sebenarnya. Waktu menyusun jadwal kuliah, I went a little overboard with my ya-udah-lah-ya-pasti-bisa-kok mindset. Kalau lo familiar dengan sistem perkuliahan, jadwal Semester 5 gue bisa di jabarkan sebagai berikut: I'm taking 24 SKS yang terdiri dari 10 mata kuliah dimana setiap kelas selalu ada tugas dan berhubung sekarang sudah mendekati Final Exam Week ada 7 proyek tugas akhir yang harus di selesaikan secepatnya... dan sedihnya, there is only 1 me.

Itu kesibukan gue secara akademis. Non-akademis juga ada, kawan. I have a personal life yang di isi oleh Ayah, Ibu, adik, si tambatan hati, sahabat, teman, dan lain lain. Ada juga proyek-proyek non-akademis yang sedang gue jabari karena I thought it would be fun.

I want to do everything! Everything looks so fun! But here's the hard fact, I only have 24 hours per day. Lo juga cuma 24 jam per hari kan? Gimana caranya coba... Mau lebih sibuk lagi?

Tadinya gue berpikir gue salah. Salah besar karena gue sibuk di umur yang masih relatif sangat muda ini. Tapi setelah di telaah, ga ada yang salah dengan memiliki jadwal seperti ini. I'm not saying I'm the busiest person in the world. No, di luar sana ada yang lebih sibuk, lebih ga punya waktu. But that's their life, their choices. I'm currently dealing with my life dan segala keputusan yang telah gue ambil. I've been going through some major phases of fits these past few days. Kesel sendiri karena I was the one putting myself in all of these activities dan sekarang gue capek sendiri... Krik krik krik.

Tadi pagi gue bangun dan I was thinking of what to Tweet. Dan gue teringat oleh lagu yang semua orang pasti tau, "Bangun tidur ku terus mandi... Tidak lupa blah blah blah blah blah." You know that song. Terpikirkan lah... Gue kalau bangun tidur ngapain ya? Hari ini aja gue bangun tidur langsung lompat menuju laptop... Kalau hari Senin gue bangun tidur, habis itu langsung ke kampus... Selasa juga, Rabu, Kamis, Jumat, Sabtu juga sama aja. Oh man, I don't have a life.

Dan pertanyaaan-pertanyaan pun mulai bergulir: Salah ga sih? Apa gue harus menyesal? Am I missing out in life? Is this all worth it?

Kalau you're an avid reader of this blog, you would know what I did next. Gue duduk, gue diam, gue mikir. Sampai akhirnya gue menemukan points untuk membantu gue tau apa salahnya atau apa yang ga salah.

Here it is...


  • TAU WAKTU. Setelah dipikir-pikir, ga ada yang salah dengan menjadi sibuk sekarang. Rationalnya ini: Wong this IS the time to be busy. Waktu kuliah adalah waktu untuk belajar. Belajar itu menyita waktu. Kenapa? Karena belajar itu tidak mudah. Kalau gampang, semua juga bisa. Ngapain belajar kalau gitu? Ini adalah waktu dimana lo mempersiapkan diri untuk menjadi seseorang. Seseorang yang seperti apa... I don't know. Tapi this I know, kalau lo bisa mengatur waktu dan somehow somewhere along the line menemukan titik dimana hidup lo bisa seimbang sekarang, you will do fine in life.

  • TAU DIRI. Waktu gue nyusun jadwal kuliah gue, deep down inside I knew I'll be fine. I knew I have the capacity to do it. Gue tau gue bisa makanya jadwal itu terjadilah. Lo ga bakal mati karena terlalu sibuk. Tapi lo harus introspeksi diri sendiri setiap kali dihadapkan dengan pilihan. Sebenarnya apapun pilihannya, apapun masalahnya,... minumnya Teh Botol Sosro. Ha ha ha. Ga deng. Honestly though, apapun masalah yang ada di dalam hidup lo, you will be able to get through it. Coba lihat kebelakang, masalah hanya terlihat besar waktu lo mengahadapinya. Setelah itu, you're fine. Lo ga harus jadi OK, tapi lo akan menjadi OK. Secara natural, orang hidup untuk menjadi lebih baik. Itu prinsip mutlak kok. Masalahnya kadang-kadang agak malas saja, but deep down inside you know, you know, and you know what YOU are capable of doing. Nih pelajarannya: Belajarlah untuk santai di saat yang tidak santai. Itu aja.

  • Yang paling penting, JANGAN SOK TAU. "Ego-mu, nak. Ego-mu." Kata sang Ibu. Ini poin terakhir gue. Biarpun lo tau mengatur waktu, lo tau diri lo sendiri, lo ga akan pernah bisa tau semua tentang hidup. We are young. Ini akan menyelamatkan anda dari setengah kesibukan anda. Here's what I realize. Waktu orang sibuk, dia melakukan dua hal: belajar untuk melakukan the task at hand dan belajar tentang kehidupan dan bagaimana untuk relate to people around him or her. Ambil contoh: Kuliah. Waktu lo belajar hal yang lo harus pelajari, lo belajar ilmu dan lo belajar keterampilan hidup. Ilmu lo bisa belajar dari buku, keterampilan hidup... Bisa lo ambil dari orang-orang sekeliling lo. THIS, my friend, IS WHY YOU SHOULD NOT BE SOK TAU. Sibuk lah untuk mencari ilmu. Spend time on that. Spend a LOT of time on that. Untuk keterampilan hidup, belajar dari orang lain. Dengarkan, dengarkan, dengarkan apa yang orang harus katakan. Apa lagi orang yang lebih berumur. Memang tua itu bukan berarti dewasa tapi ga bisa di ungkiri bahwa orang yang lebih tua sudah melewati lebih banyak masalah. Belajar dari kesalahan orang lain, when it comes to living. Tapi jangan pernah menganggap diri lo lebih baik dari orang itu.

Begitu lah gue belajar. Gue sekarang sibuk mencari ilmu tapi untuk belajar hidup... Gue harus belajar untuk mendengarkan orang lain. Jangan takut untuk sibuk. Cari titik itu, dimana lo bisa belajar ilmu dan keterampilan hidup secara bersamaan. Kita masih muda, kawan. Berlarilah. Tapi enjoy the view while you're running. 

Selamat belajar,
Athalia Karima Yedida Soemarko.

Love Letter For No One.

Kalau John Mayer menulis lagu Love Song for No One, dalam surat cinta gue yang bukan untuk siapa-siapa hanya akan ada satu kalimat:

Always love, no matter how hard.

Itu saja.

Yours truly,
Athalia Karima Yedida Soemarko.