Destination Unknown.

AKHIRNYA I manage to drag myself to write an entry.

Good morning, Jakartans. It's currently 00:56 AM and I am still wide awake. Tadi sore gue ketiduran selama enam jam di tambah dengan keputusan bodoh untuk mandi tengah malam. Alhasil sekarang ga bisa tidur. Lesson learned: mending tahan sekalian ngatuknya biar malamnya bisa tidur enak dan ga terlunta-lunta ga bisa tidur sampe entah kapan.

So what have I been up to? I've been lost, to be perfectly honest.

You know how people said "Oh gosh, this is the worst day of my life"? I am not a believer in that statement. You haven't even live for half a century yet and you can confidently declare that you've seen all of your life's days and thus that day, you can strongly assume, is the worst day of your life. Nay, sweetards, there will be bad days but there shall never be the worst day. I though I had my worst days in high school but compared to university now, those days look nothing like life as I know now. Semua ada plus minus-nya.

Jadi dengan formula yang telah dijelaskan di atas bahwa saya, Athalia Soemarko, got no faith in worst days, I declare this week as a bad week. Bad dalam arti physically tiring and emotionally draining. Dari Senin sampai Jumat, tenaga rasanya selalu terkuras by the end of the day. Kasur menjadi tempat pelarian yang paling aman dan menyenangkan biarpun di luar sana dunia masih gemerlap dengan segala kehedonismenya yang mencoba mengundang dirinya masuk ke kehidupan saya. Tidur lebih cepat dengan waktu yang relatif lama kadang kadang menjauhkan kita semua dari melakukan dosa yang lebih banyak di hari itu jika mata masih tetap terbuka. Point is, I've been sleeping deeply and early for the past five days. All the while doing so, selalu di hantui mimpi yang aneh aneh. Ga dalam arti menyeramkan atau berhubungan dengan alam baka, tapi pemeran pemeran utama di mimpi gue selalu buat merinding. They were the last people I had in mind before I sleep and everything looks so real, as if it could happen anytime of day in the coming few days.

So what does dreaming and having a bad week has to do with being lost? Lost dalam kalimat ini ga berarti nyasar lupa jalan untuk mencapai tujuan but it's more like melupakan apa tujuan itu sendiri. Ini agak abstrak, tapi ya kenyataanya gue beberapa hari ini sudah agak sedikit tersesat. Kadang kadang in the middle of the day I would have to close my eyes and remind myself that things will be A-Okay. Hidup ga susah tapi it gets lonely sometimes. Tapi faktanya memang di dunia orang dewasa ini you cannot always rely on other people karena people come and go. Mereka masuk untuk either ngacak ngacak kehidupan lo atau membereskan kekacauan yang di buat oleh orang lain. When the job is done mereka akan pergi. This is why all good things come to an end. If they are the kind that fixes your life after other people made a complete mess out of you, they would have to leave soon kalau tidak nanti mereka yang make a mess in your life and that will hurt ten times more.

I guess by the last sentence you can strongly assume that somebody who has taken good care of the mess that other people made in my life just left me. If this was your guess, then you are correct. It's hard to let go people who are dear to you tapi kalau ga di lepas sekarang nanti kedepan gue akan jalan dengan beban yang berat dan hasilnya ga bisa lari mengapai cita cita deh (norak).

Jadi bisa di bilang sekarang gue sedang belajar to let go. I have found that the easiest way to let things go is to never hold it close at all. Jangan pegang erat erat jadi kalau di lepas sakitnya ga kerasa kecuali kalau lo pikir orang itu sangat berharga but MIND YOU this catagory only go to family. Keluarga itu sangat berharga dan, well, mereka adalah satu satunya yang worth fighting for. Relationships, in my age right now, ga worth it untuk di bela belain dengan hidup dan mati. Adanya juga jadi kaya begini, capek dan kebawa pikiran terus. So made a promise to myself a few days ago kalau sekarang adalah waktunya belajar. Belajar bukan tetang kehidupan tetapi tentang mata kuliah yang gue sedang jajaki, Hukum. Kalau itu sudah selesai dengan baik dan benar, if the heart is ready, baru deh masuk to relationships but still this is not the priority.

I got no poem attached for this entry karena memang ga ada yang harus di imajinasikan tentang entry ini. So, good bye relationships. I'll see you in approximately five years. Hopefully by then I can still recall how it is to love and be loved.

Cheers,
Athalia Karima Yedida Soemarko.

Failure to Launch.

Been wanting to post SOMETHING for ages but I haven't got the drive to do so! Am going to post this as a reminder for myself to come up with something good in the afternoon. Have a fab day, readers!

Library Entry.

A true nerd at heart, here I am sitting at the library for two straight afternoons due to a 20 pages report and presentation on Undang-undang Nomor 1 Tahun 1974 tentang Perkawinan yang harus di kumpulkan hari Senin jam 07:15 pagi. Sekarang jam menunjukan 01:00 siang... berarti gue sudah duduk di sini di temani buku buku selama dua jam dan otak gue ga jalan sekarang arghhhhhhh. Target hari ini sebenernya untuk MENYELESAIKAN sampai tuntas-tas-tas-tas SEMUA kerjaan... tapi cuaca ga mendukung, perut juga ga mendukung, lagu lagu di iTunes aja dari tadi rasanya sudah menina-bobokan gue.

So yea dalam rangka menyegarkan otak, I'm going to list the things that is running through my mind right now. Let's start.

What I've learned from sitting down at the library for two days straight:
  1. The slower the wi-fi connects, the faster I work
  2. The faster the music beats, the faster my brain works
  3. The further away my blackberry is from me, the better I concentrate
  4. The stinkier the person in front of me is, the faster I type
  5. The hungrier I am, the slower I work
  6. The fuller the stomach gets, the slower I work (dilematic abis)
  7. The cuter the guy who sit next to my table, the slower I read
  8. The darker the sky, the lazier I become
  9. The sleepier I get, the faster words fly out of the books
  10. The faster the wi-fi works, the faster time flies
RANDOM. Yes. But as me Madre would always say, "Kamu ga boleh kerja dan belajar cuma based on your fluctuating mood. Mood changes in a finger snap. Resolute in your brain that you will and shall finish your work! Kalo ga gitu ga selesai selesai." Ok, mari kembali kerja.

Playboy Setia by Sindhu Bharata.

Sampai hari ini gue belom pernah ketemu Sindhu dan communication so far cuma sebatas Blackberry Messenger but I know and know and know from the moment somebody showed me his YouTube video, Mandi, that he got a load of talent within him. Liriknya Sindhu selalu gokil dan kalau lo denger lagu ini you'd know he'd be the next big thing.

So check it out, ladies and gentlemen. Playboy Setia by Sindhu Bhrata Limin.


P.S. If you're reading this, hope to see you on Monday, Sin! :D

Single Yet Do Not Mingle.

Tadi baru aja mau tutup the macbook dan tiba tiba iTunes memainkan lagu yang sudah menjadi anthem love life gue since I started treading the relationship roads, Nat King Cole's When I Fall In Love. Ga tau kenapa tapi lagu ini memang pendek tapi punya pesan moral yang dalam buat gue. It says,

When I fall in love,
It will be forever
Or I'll never fall in love.

In a restless world like this is,
Love is ended before it begun.

And too many moonlight kisses,
Seem to melt in the warmth of the sun

When I give my heart,
It will be completely
Or I'll never give my heart

And the moment I can feel that
You feel that way too
I will give my heart to you

Bisa di bilang gue ini mahluk langka di Jakarta. I'm eighteen yet I've only been in a relationship twice and both of them lasted more than six months. A lot of girls these days just jump into a crush that they had five minutes ago and, well, took it from there. I, on the contrary, like to fall in love with my best friend. I like the security, the less brawls, and the mutual understanding that could only be developed by time itself. But I got to admit that when you decided to go seperate ways, best friends are so much harder to lose and the pain is ten times worst than those relationships where infatuation is the basis.

So yeah, here I am single... and not mingling. Single... and could only be available to textbooks and university assignments, for now (: So to those who worry so much about my future husband and the state of my relationships, don't worry. Jodoh ga kemana mana koq (; Plus, I'm always just a phonecall/ ping/ email away.

Cheers, Singles.

Nap-mare.

It's midday here in Karawaci. The sun's heat is mind blastingly crazy and I am still in the middle of my mid-semester test week. Those two have no direct relationship whatsoever but I felt the urge of putting them both together. You decide whatever it supposed to mean.


Few minutes ago I was napping soundly yet about half-way through the nap I was attacked by a NAP-MARE!

Nap-mare: (noun) a frightening or unpleasant dream that happens during naptime.
Used in a sentence: My nap-mare was beyond scary that I woke up heaving like a asthmatic cow.
Oh and gue baru inget janji gue tentang nulis lebih banyak dengan Bahasa Indonesia ha ha ha ha (nerdlaugh)

Ini sepertinya akan menjadi mimpi buruk terparah di tahun 2010. Untung gue terbangun karena deringan nyaring telfon yang lupa gue silent kalau ga mimpinya berkelanjutan sampai gatau gimana... Singkat cerita, gue mimpi adik gue... DENGDENGDENGGGG let me not say what happened because I don't want to jinx anyone but it was like a wake up call in which the moral will be explained at the bottom of this post (notice the cliff-hangger, ha! Sorry baru bangun jadi agak sedikit ribet nulisnya.)

Here's a little history. I have a nice little family consisting of Daddy, Mummy, my little sister, and, well, me but I always tell people that I have four siblings: three brothers and a sister. Biologically, adik gue cuma satu: perempuan kecil, dulunya imut imut sekarang lagi puber (you know, zits, mood swings, crushes yang berganti ganti setiap lima menit, Jonas Brothers overdose. those type of things), beda 5 tahun sama gue, dan kalau kita berdua di jejer sebelahan ga ada miripnya sama sekali. Yang tiga laki laki jantan dan perkasa adalah anak anak dari teman baiknya Ibuku yang sudah dianggap sebagai kakak dan adik sendiri. Dulu memang ga deket deket banget tetapi dengan jalannya waktu dan seringnya tebeng-menebeng pulang sekolah, kami berlima sudah serasa seperti keluarga.

This is basically the age structure now: Kakak is 19. I am 18. Tim is 18, born in the same year as i was but he's a July baby and I'm a March baby. Abby is, err..., 13! and Joshy is 12. Semua memiliki kenakalan dan keisengannya masing masing dan sangat kreatif untuk cari alasan untuk keluar dari masalah. Take for example, Abby and Joshy fights like crazy and would kill each other with murderous pinches but in the end they'd be laughing like crazy or... isengin one of us until we get mad at them and they, well, cry. Each of us would get into trouble and our mums would tell stories to each other about how nakal we are and all. Basically to hear that both sides are doing pretty well on the bad behaviour department make them feel like they are not alone.

Come to think of it, those two paragraphs are too short to even get any morale for any story (note to self: too much Indomie does things to the neurons in your brain) But here's the thing that I learned from my little nap-mare: when boyfriends ditch you, girlfriends found other guys, friends fly away to other countries, family stays biarpun kadang kadang terpencar karena everybody goes to different schools. As cliché as this sound, it has been proven as time goes by. I love these other four humans to death and I kennot imajin how I would survive without them. I can survive, I just don't want to. You know, it's like you know something, as annoying as each of them can be, is missing.

I bet they will be rolling their eyes when reading this and go "OMG you are so garing deh" but it's better that you guys know sekarang daripada nanti kalau ada apa apa and it'd be too late! Plus aku kangen and my nap-mare made it worse.

Dan dengan ini saya cantumkan beberapa bait lirik yang dari tahun 2007 ga pernah jadi lagu karena Petra bilang terlalu emo. Memang agak sedikit serem sih kata katanya karena, di dalam imajinasi gue, orang yang di lirik ini sedang berusaha keras untuk bertahan hidup. Semua keadaan baik tetapi masih aja ada tempat yang ga bisa di isi dengan semua cinta dari pacar lah, glamor, dan lain lain yang di tawarkan oleh dunia dan kawan kawannya. When all the fun is over, you'd go back to your room and feel alone. It's inevitable. Waktu dia sudah putus asa, he saw a picture of him and his sister dan dia akhirnya sadar kalau sebenarnya yang kurang adalah ikatan batin yang terlalu lama di tinggalkan. Keluarga itu di buat untuk saling melengkapi loh... No matter how much you hate your sibling pasti ada a little room in your heart that nudges for a little love from the person who is related by blood to you. PLUS you can't choose your family jadi good luck ya, anda stuck dengan manusia yang bertitel kakak atau adik itu untuk selamanya.


(APPROPRIATE TITLE STILL QUESTIONABLE)

Surrounded by thousands chanting my name
I am still alone
Standing in a stage looking at a sea of people
I still cannot feel at home

Felt so empty inside
As if this soul is hollow
I need some love
To fill this cavity of sorrow

Retrieving back from the glamor
I went back to my room
To sit down and think
That my world will soon come to an end

It stopped me right there
The hardness of the heart softened
When I saw those pictures of us
That held me through it all

Remembering,
When I took my first step, you were there
When I said my first words, you heard them
When I am scared, you held my hands
When I was friendless, you were my best friend

You stick with me through it all
The good and the bad
The best to the worst
Family, sticks forever

I don't want to end my life
I can still survive
Took the phone and dialed your number
Then say, Hey sis, I love you (:


I miss YOUS,
Athalia Karima Yedida Soemarko.

Bahasa Gado-Gado.

It's one thing to start a blog and it's another thing to keep writing in a blog.

I'm not having another writer's block, what occupy me at the moment are my MID SEMESTER EXAMS (scary background music playing). Thus I can't really say much because in a few minutes I would have to hop on the bus and ride away to campus to face my Islamic Law teacher and her oh-so-very-interesting bearded husband. And... I did not study for this. It's complicated, really. Tapi seperti yang di tulis di buku Hukum Islam, kenyataannya Indonesia adalah negara dengan populasi Muslim terbesar maka daripada itulah (saahhhhh... mentang mentang baru belajar Bahasa Indonesia yang agak baik dan agak benar) Hukum Islam harus menjadi satu dasar yang harus di pelajari jika anda sekalian berminat untuk menjadi pengacara di Bumi Pusaka terncinta ini.

So anyway, when I was supposed to study yesterday, I got a chance to read my cheesy Indonesian poems. Jujur aja bacanya pengen muntah sendiri karena Bahasa Indonesia is not really my mother language. I was born and raised with Bahasa Indonesia as my first language, tapi berkurang terus kualitasnya karena makin jarang di pakai karena tiba tiba semua orang berubah halauan ngomong pake Bahasa Inggris. Jadi sekarang gue bertekad untuk menulis lebih banyak dengan Bahasa Indonesia yang diselingi dengan Bahasa Inggris juga. I call it Bahasa Gado-Gado. Cool, eh?

Here's an old poem written in Bahasa Indonesia. Memang agak sedikit garing, kayanya semua yang gue tulis dengan Bahasa Indonesia jadinya garing deh. Tapi nanti kalau puisi ini sudah menjadi lagu, garingnya bakal hilang dengan sendirinya. Serius.


Satu detik, satu menit, satu jam
Berubah menjadi hari, bulan, dan tahun
Berapa lama lagi harus aku menuggu
Untuk mendapatkan hatimu

Gunung, lembah sudah ku daki
Samudra sudah ku sebrangi
Tetapi masih saja
Kau buatku menunggu

Apa lagi yang kau inginkan?
Bintang di langit pun akan ku petik
Laut akan ku arungi
Hanya untuk mendapatkan hatimu

Lihat perjuanganku
Semua ini hanya untukmu


Oh, semua puisi yang di tulis bukan terinspirasi dari pengalaman ya HEHEHE. Ini semua hanya hasil imajinasi yang berasal dari pertanyaan tentang suatu situasi atau tulisan orang lain yang tiba tiba bisa di kembangkan menjadi tiga atau empat bait puisi. Bisa di bilang ga harus selalu belajar dari pengalaman sendiri untuk merasakan sakit, senang, atau susah. Cukup dengan membaca atau mendengar pengalaman orang lain. Kalau pinter ya hal yang buruk ga di ikutin, yang baik bisa di lalukan untuk mendapatkan hasil yang sama atau pun lebih. Kalau bego ya cari aja terus pengalaman sendiri sampai bonyok bonyok kiri kanan.

P.S. Tadi gue ketinggalan bis karena menulis entry ini. Ga lagi deh nulis blog pagi pagi sebelum kelas.