Nap-mare.

It's midday here in Karawaci. The sun's heat is mind blastingly crazy and I am still in the middle of my mid-semester test week. Those two have no direct relationship whatsoever but I felt the urge of putting them both together. You decide whatever it supposed to mean.


Few minutes ago I was napping soundly yet about half-way through the nap I was attacked by a NAP-MARE!

Nap-mare: (noun) a frightening or unpleasant dream that happens during naptime.
Used in a sentence: My nap-mare was beyond scary that I woke up heaving like a asthmatic cow.
Oh and gue baru inget janji gue tentang nulis lebih banyak dengan Bahasa Indonesia ha ha ha ha (nerdlaugh)

Ini sepertinya akan menjadi mimpi buruk terparah di tahun 2010. Untung gue terbangun karena deringan nyaring telfon yang lupa gue silent kalau ga mimpinya berkelanjutan sampai gatau gimana... Singkat cerita, gue mimpi adik gue... DENGDENGDENGGGG let me not say what happened because I don't want to jinx anyone but it was like a wake up call in which the moral will be explained at the bottom of this post (notice the cliff-hangger, ha! Sorry baru bangun jadi agak sedikit ribet nulisnya.)

Here's a little history. I have a nice little family consisting of Daddy, Mummy, my little sister, and, well, me but I always tell people that I have four siblings: three brothers and a sister. Biologically, adik gue cuma satu: perempuan kecil, dulunya imut imut sekarang lagi puber (you know, zits, mood swings, crushes yang berganti ganti setiap lima menit, Jonas Brothers overdose. those type of things), beda 5 tahun sama gue, dan kalau kita berdua di jejer sebelahan ga ada miripnya sama sekali. Yang tiga laki laki jantan dan perkasa adalah anak anak dari teman baiknya Ibuku yang sudah dianggap sebagai kakak dan adik sendiri. Dulu memang ga deket deket banget tetapi dengan jalannya waktu dan seringnya tebeng-menebeng pulang sekolah, kami berlima sudah serasa seperti keluarga.

This is basically the age structure now: Kakak is 19. I am 18. Tim is 18, born in the same year as i was but he's a July baby and I'm a March baby. Abby is, err..., 13! and Joshy is 12. Semua memiliki kenakalan dan keisengannya masing masing dan sangat kreatif untuk cari alasan untuk keluar dari masalah. Take for example, Abby and Joshy fights like crazy and would kill each other with murderous pinches but in the end they'd be laughing like crazy or... isengin one of us until we get mad at them and they, well, cry. Each of us would get into trouble and our mums would tell stories to each other about how nakal we are and all. Basically to hear that both sides are doing pretty well on the bad behaviour department make them feel like they are not alone.

Come to think of it, those two paragraphs are too short to even get any morale for any story (note to self: too much Indomie does things to the neurons in your brain) But here's the thing that I learned from my little nap-mare: when boyfriends ditch you, girlfriends found other guys, friends fly away to other countries, family stays biarpun kadang kadang terpencar karena everybody goes to different schools. As cliché as this sound, it has been proven as time goes by. I love these other four humans to death and I kennot imajin how I would survive without them. I can survive, I just don't want to. You know, it's like you know something, as annoying as each of them can be, is missing.

I bet they will be rolling their eyes when reading this and go "OMG you are so garing deh" but it's better that you guys know sekarang daripada nanti kalau ada apa apa and it'd be too late! Plus aku kangen and my nap-mare made it worse.

Dan dengan ini saya cantumkan beberapa bait lirik yang dari tahun 2007 ga pernah jadi lagu karena Petra bilang terlalu emo. Memang agak sedikit serem sih kata katanya karena, di dalam imajinasi gue, orang yang di lirik ini sedang berusaha keras untuk bertahan hidup. Semua keadaan baik tetapi masih aja ada tempat yang ga bisa di isi dengan semua cinta dari pacar lah, glamor, dan lain lain yang di tawarkan oleh dunia dan kawan kawannya. When all the fun is over, you'd go back to your room and feel alone. It's inevitable. Waktu dia sudah putus asa, he saw a picture of him and his sister dan dia akhirnya sadar kalau sebenarnya yang kurang adalah ikatan batin yang terlalu lama di tinggalkan. Keluarga itu di buat untuk saling melengkapi loh... No matter how much you hate your sibling pasti ada a little room in your heart that nudges for a little love from the person who is related by blood to you. PLUS you can't choose your family jadi good luck ya, anda stuck dengan manusia yang bertitel kakak atau adik itu untuk selamanya.


(APPROPRIATE TITLE STILL QUESTIONABLE)

Surrounded by thousands chanting my name
I am still alone
Standing in a stage looking at a sea of people
I still cannot feel at home

Felt so empty inside
As if this soul is hollow
I need some love
To fill this cavity of sorrow

Retrieving back from the glamor
I went back to my room
To sit down and think
That my world will soon come to an end

It stopped me right there
The hardness of the heart softened
When I saw those pictures of us
That held me through it all

Remembering,
When I took my first step, you were there
When I said my first words, you heard them
When I am scared, you held my hands
When I was friendless, you were my best friend

You stick with me through it all
The good and the bad
The best to the worst
Family, sticks forever

I don't want to end my life
I can still survive
Took the phone and dialed your number
Then say, Hey sis, I love you (:


I miss YOUS,
Athalia Karima Yedida Soemarko.

2 comments:

  1. I bet you dreamt that you lost me :P it's okay, I would be motivated to write a blog too if i dreamt that i lost me. hahaha oh the vanity x) that last "me" can also be substituted with a "you" tho :) love you mom

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  2. of course it was you... shocker? kalo abang ga telfon aku ga bangun tau and it wouldve berkelanjutan sampai gatau apa --" pokoknya i woke up with tears. i know, lame hahaha.

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