Destination Unknown.

AKHIRNYA I manage to drag myself to write an entry.

Good morning, Jakartans. It's currently 00:56 AM and I am still wide awake. Tadi sore gue ketiduran selama enam jam di tambah dengan keputusan bodoh untuk mandi tengah malam. Alhasil sekarang ga bisa tidur. Lesson learned: mending tahan sekalian ngatuknya biar malamnya bisa tidur enak dan ga terlunta-lunta ga bisa tidur sampe entah kapan.

So what have I been up to? I've been lost, to be perfectly honest.

You know how people said "Oh gosh, this is the worst day of my life"? I am not a believer in that statement. You haven't even live for half a century yet and you can confidently declare that you've seen all of your life's days and thus that day, you can strongly assume, is the worst day of your life. Nay, sweetards, there will be bad days but there shall never be the worst day. I though I had my worst days in high school but compared to university now, those days look nothing like life as I know now. Semua ada plus minus-nya.

Jadi dengan formula yang telah dijelaskan di atas bahwa saya, Athalia Soemarko, got no faith in worst days, I declare this week as a bad week. Bad dalam arti physically tiring and emotionally draining. Dari Senin sampai Jumat, tenaga rasanya selalu terkuras by the end of the day. Kasur menjadi tempat pelarian yang paling aman dan menyenangkan biarpun di luar sana dunia masih gemerlap dengan segala kehedonismenya yang mencoba mengundang dirinya masuk ke kehidupan saya. Tidur lebih cepat dengan waktu yang relatif lama kadang kadang menjauhkan kita semua dari melakukan dosa yang lebih banyak di hari itu jika mata masih tetap terbuka. Point is, I've been sleeping deeply and early for the past five days. All the while doing so, selalu di hantui mimpi yang aneh aneh. Ga dalam arti menyeramkan atau berhubungan dengan alam baka, tapi pemeran pemeran utama di mimpi gue selalu buat merinding. They were the last people I had in mind before I sleep and everything looks so real, as if it could happen anytime of day in the coming few days.

So what does dreaming and having a bad week has to do with being lost? Lost dalam kalimat ini ga berarti nyasar lupa jalan untuk mencapai tujuan but it's more like melupakan apa tujuan itu sendiri. Ini agak abstrak, tapi ya kenyataanya gue beberapa hari ini sudah agak sedikit tersesat. Kadang kadang in the middle of the day I would have to close my eyes and remind myself that things will be A-Okay. Hidup ga susah tapi it gets lonely sometimes. Tapi faktanya memang di dunia orang dewasa ini you cannot always rely on other people karena people come and go. Mereka masuk untuk either ngacak ngacak kehidupan lo atau membereskan kekacauan yang di buat oleh orang lain. When the job is done mereka akan pergi. This is why all good things come to an end. If they are the kind that fixes your life after other people made a complete mess out of you, they would have to leave soon kalau tidak nanti mereka yang make a mess in your life and that will hurt ten times more.

I guess by the last sentence you can strongly assume that somebody who has taken good care of the mess that other people made in my life just left me. If this was your guess, then you are correct. It's hard to let go people who are dear to you tapi kalau ga di lepas sekarang nanti kedepan gue akan jalan dengan beban yang berat dan hasilnya ga bisa lari mengapai cita cita deh (norak).

Jadi bisa di bilang sekarang gue sedang belajar to let go. I have found that the easiest way to let things go is to never hold it close at all. Jangan pegang erat erat jadi kalau di lepas sakitnya ga kerasa kecuali kalau lo pikir orang itu sangat berharga but MIND YOU this catagory only go to family. Keluarga itu sangat berharga dan, well, mereka adalah satu satunya yang worth fighting for. Relationships, in my age right now, ga worth it untuk di bela belain dengan hidup dan mati. Adanya juga jadi kaya begini, capek dan kebawa pikiran terus. So made a promise to myself a few days ago kalau sekarang adalah waktunya belajar. Belajar bukan tetang kehidupan tetapi tentang mata kuliah yang gue sedang jajaki, Hukum. Kalau itu sudah selesai dengan baik dan benar, if the heart is ready, baru deh masuk to relationships but still this is not the priority.

I got no poem attached for this entry karena memang ga ada yang harus di imajinasikan tentang entry ini. So, good bye relationships. I'll see you in approximately five years. Hopefully by then I can still recall how it is to love and be loved.

Cheers,
Athalia Karima Yedida Soemarko.

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